On some days, I get the feeling of extreme loneliness,
Life suffocates me with in contempt and scorn,
I jump and fall into the same abyss,
I look up and see light and liberty,
But faraway they are, like Atlantis and Emerald city.
I’ve not had a day of it, unfortunately, I’ve had a week of it.
Some say I am a lucky person. I have a Family whom loves me and lets me be who I am with a very agreeable limit, I am financially acceptable and I have a supposed man whom is supposedly in love with me. The real question now is ‘why’. Why am I so ungrateful and sad when I have everything? Well, to pop that bubble is easy. Nothing in this world is really what it seems. People have so many facades and personalities that one simple would not have the strength to remember.
What has actually brought me down to the point of writing a blogpost about it is, a dinner with my dad. We had a massive fight. When I got home, all I wanted to do was love and be loved. Remembering that I have a special friend, I instant messaged him how much I appreciated him. Well, it didn’t go well. He picked a fight with me as well. Imagine how I felt… Great isn’t it? Yes, yes my life is wunderbar. Now that was a few days ago. I let him cool off and started approaching him again.
Just minutes ago, we fought again. To me, it seems that everything I do to self improve is a terrible consequence to him. I feel like he does not want to accept me for who I am anymore. He just wants a normal girl who will bow down to every word he says. This is bad. For me and for him for the sake of our relationship. These fights happen so frequently about the same thing up till, my mind has drifted. I have thought about a life without him. A life of liberty. As a person with a very different personality, I get along better with boys and I find them more agreeable to have a discussion with than girls. Earlier in our courtship, I have already told him this fact and he said that he would accept that. Now he is backing out on his word.
You know what? It isn’t even worth it to type it down. I don’t have to care about him and I don’t have to accept this. Whether I do or do not is my choice.
Being alone isn’t so bad anyway. I did it for the first 17 years of my life. Love is a myth. Cupid is a mythology.
