Black–listed

Do you know me? I bet you do not. Most people only think they know their friends and or family. Truth is you only know what those individuals want you to know.

You do not know me. Nobody does. I do not understand it myself but I can make a wild attempt at trying to explain it.

You see, I am and have always been a fickle minded person.

I am a Scorpio. My emotions are intense.

What I want and what I need are two very different things.  When I say I need something, I really mean I want. When I say I want something does not necessarily mean I need it. I do not know what I need yet, I do know. I perhaps, just refuse to acknowledge it.

I walk my road not exactly alone but lonely.

In a snap , I can tell you my lifes’ story without crying. I am all out of tears on that topic, BUT if you ask me more and more intricately. I just might shed tears. Everyone is acquainted with me but nobody knows everything about me. Nobody, mark my word for it.

I lie to myself. So, even I do not know myself.

The things I do no matter how weird, odd, eccentric, cheery, loud or ominous are just another mask and habit I have. I do not fancy letting people feel the way I do. Lonely, betrayed and invaded.

I like to entertain.

You could say that, I am like a clown. All smiles but when you remove the makeup, you see wrinkles, worries, frowns, regrets, despair. Runaway brides are very pitiful but not as pitiful as runaway grooms.  Poor unsuspecting bride to be :(

 

Yes, I am a Hypocrite.

Deal with it. I had to deal with my fathers’ hypocritical state. So , you will deal with mine.

I' have had enough of writing today.

All emotional because of my 89% for SPM English Trial Exam. Sucks to be me. No worries, I WILL MEMORISE THE WHOLE BLOODY THESAURUS OR DIE TRYING.

Oblivion

A wise man once said that a hypocrite is the person judging. we judged. Our love is a platonic one.

How apathetic you looked when i first met you. How blur and eccentric. For a person who used a math book to write English essays, you were incredibly witty when it came to jokes and mathematics. oh, ostentatious I thought you were. Definitely to stay away from. Definitely trouble and angst.

Fate said otherwise though, the minute we started talking, we couldn’t stop. Soon enough, after every tuition class we’d spend time talking to each other outside while waiting for our ride home. Soon enough we became really good friends.

I’m not so sure how you became my best friend darl, but I know how we got close It was on msn XD then my raya open house. We click so well. But I guess, what made us best friends was the week that I SAW YOUR UGLY FACE EVERY BLOODY DAY and that was my birthday week (: You planned a surprise party for me. haiiihhh. It made my world . It really did . I’m not lying, bitch.

In conjunction to that there’s also new years.Gosh I remember how pathetic you were. You called to say that you ran away from home. That was so close to midnight. I was all the way in ipoh attending a wedding. I was so worried and as they say, what you do during new years eve till new years day , that’s what you’ll be doing the whole year. I find that statement so true because YOU BLOODY WELL KNOW HOW TO WORRY ME ALL THE TIME, BEST FRIEND.

Then , there was also your ex – girlfriend and my ex – boyfriend. I hated her. You had a bad feeling about him. We never told each other until it was over. Now what we learned was always tell each other cause WE BOTH HAVE GAY-MATERNAL INSTINCTS for each other <3 awwwww we’re so sweet , can die. If you’re reading this, please understand that I think my attachment to him was definitely deeper than yours to her. I guess mine was too full of passion and yours, ignorance. LETS TELL EACH OTHER NEXT TIME. NOW, i command you to love your current girlfriend because she’s the one i wanted you to be with all along ever since i introduced you people! OKAY?!

Other than that, there’s also 2 days in Cameron Highlands. Me with a sick heart and you with a cold XD haihhh, the sunrise that day was really pathetic. We didn’t get to see the sun at all ! XD But we did talk. A lot. Too much, too little. I don’t know. But I’d gladly do it again because of the trees i saw  

Hey best friend,

You really are different and an ass. Then again, that’s why we click so well. I’m different and an ass too , to you right? –.- Well, lets look out for each other eh?

You’re like family now. I can’t imagine living my life without you. You’re too BLEAH. I see orange and think of you. I EAT , DRINK AND BAKE carrots while smiling cause i know you’re hurting because you are carrots XD

Then, there’s always the YELLOW CURSE following us. I LOVE It. You want to damn it to hell. But hey, if i can take on carrots, you can take on yellow. We’re too cool like that XD

By the way, you are lame. I don’t know why you’re my best friend since you’re lame but you are LAME LAME LAME LAMEOOOO . You lame-nista, lame-uel, Lame-khan, LAME. Not forgetting about retarded. HAHA

Well, king of chemisery, I’m done here. Can’t believe i wasted my time writing about you. Fine maybe i shouldn’t reprove you of my writing. It is after all my time. Well, this just shows how lucky you are to have a tree.

byee~ (:

p.s : I love you best friend. Don’t you dare deform my yellow or trees. Your balls will lose all of its sperms and your sperm duct will cease to work. I am not joking

P.S.S : BARNEY STINSON FTW.

Matters of lust.

It doesn’t matter if you’re in love, fell out of love or never felt love. What matters is your own identity. Before you love someone, you have to love yourself. To give yourself away to a person means that you are confident that no matter what that person does to you, you will never lose your self respect. Nor will you ever stop loving your own self.

Don’t be fooled by the men around you. Especially teenage boys. All they want from girls is to quench their thirst for lust. They say ‘I Love You’ but they never mean it. These boys will do anything to get into your pants/skirts. Maybe not literally but they’ll just make you fall hard with touch and passionate kisses. You lust for them too. So don’t use your heart girls. Not until you’re 24 years old. Date? Go ahead. Just don’t fall in love. Its not real. Its just puppy/lustful love.

First Post :D

So, here I am. For the first time writing here. I feel nothing. You ain't special. XD
Moving on.

This , as I call it, my Sri aman blog. CAUSE, I moved school. Assunta ---> Sri Aman. The 'enemy' school. =.= Make peace not war dude..

Here. here. here. here. I am here. You are here. Why are you here? Why are you reading this? Why did you HAVE/want to check this link out? I don't know. I'm not you. Who are you?

Bear in mind that, I'm very open-minded. Sometimes overly. Others, minimally. It's inevitable. I am human. You are a human too. Or are you? >.<

I like yellow. Yellow colour, yellow shirts, yellow bottles, yellow yellow yellow. YEll OW! XD Whenever I see a yellow car, I MUST shout "Yellow car!!" I just have too. I don't know why.

Here, you will read about what I go through, my thoughts on certain things and sometimes what I feel about certain things or people. Whether good or bad.

I'm a hypocrite. I go against things like saying "we shouldn't question who we are because the answer is obvious. We are humans" but I question myself anyway. I give advice. But I never follow any of my own advice.

Okay. Now I'm late for choir practise. Till here then. Tata.

-hayani-