Best friends and boy friends

I have come to the point of my life where i could care less about what other people say about me. They knew me in the past and what I am now is different.

 

I have also realised that there is no such thing as a best friend. The reason to that is all of them no matter how nice or what you have been through together will and shall betray you. Whether by spreading vicious rumours about you, stealing your crush or just plain ignores you, they will hurt you.

 

To concour with that, I find that there is also no such thing as a guy best friend for a girl. To this the logic is simple. No matter how tomboy-ish you are or how hard you try, you will never understand him because, he is just not going to be open to you the way you would like him to be. Other than that, as a rule, boys prefer boys. They have a “bro-code”. No matter how long you have know him and no matter what you have been through. The “bros in the Bro-code” comes first. The girl is known as a hoe. Like the saying, bros before hoes. Also, one of you might fall for the other (worst case scenario).

You might be wondering or even frustrated of how I am treating my friends at this moment or with this blog post but the thing is, I feel so alone right now that I do not care. Why would I? They don’t care about me when I am unhappy. It is only the happiness that they want me to share.

Black–listed

Do you know me? I bet you do not. Most people only think they know their friends and or family. Truth is you only know what those individuals want you to know.

You do not know me. Nobody does. I do not understand it myself but I can make a wild attempt at trying to explain it.

You see, I am and have always been a fickle minded person.

I am a Scorpio. My emotions are intense.

What I want and what I need are two very different things.  When I say I need something, I really mean I want. When I say I want something does not necessarily mean I need it. I do not know what I need yet, I do know. I perhaps, just refuse to acknowledge it.

I walk my road not exactly alone but lonely.

In a snap , I can tell you my lifes’ story without crying. I am all out of tears on that topic, BUT if you ask me more and more intricately. I just might shed tears. Everyone is acquainted with me but nobody knows everything about me. Nobody, mark my word for it.

I lie to myself. So, even I do not know myself.

The things I do no matter how weird, odd, eccentric, cheery, loud or ominous are just another mask and habit I have. I do not fancy letting people feel the way I do. Lonely, betrayed and invaded.

I like to entertain.

You could say that, I am like a clown. All smiles but when you remove the makeup, you see wrinkles, worries, frowns, regrets, despair. Runaway brides are very pitiful but not as pitiful as runaway grooms.  Poor unsuspecting bride to be :(

 

Yes, I am a Hypocrite.

Deal with it. I had to deal with my fathers’ hypocritical state. So , you will deal with mine.

I' have had enough of writing today.

All emotional because of my 89% for SPM English Trial Exam. Sucks to be me. No worries, I WILL MEMORISE THE WHOLE BLOODY THESAURUS OR DIE TRYING.