Black–listed

Do you know me? I bet you do not. Most people only think they know their friends and or family. Truth is you only know what those individuals want you to know.

You do not know me. Nobody does. I do not understand it myself but I can make a wild attempt at trying to explain it.

You see, I am and have always been a fickle minded person.

I am a Scorpio. My emotions are intense.

What I want and what I need are two very different things.  When I say I need something, I really mean I want. When I say I want something does not necessarily mean I need it. I do not know what I need yet, I do know. I perhaps, just refuse to acknowledge it.

I walk my road not exactly alone but lonely.

In a snap , I can tell you my lifes’ story without crying. I am all out of tears on that topic, BUT if you ask me more and more intricately. I just might shed tears. Everyone is acquainted with me but nobody knows everything about me. Nobody, mark my word for it.

I lie to myself. So, even I do not know myself.

The things I do no matter how weird, odd, eccentric, cheery, loud or ominous are just another mask and habit I have. I do not fancy letting people feel the way I do. Lonely, betrayed and invaded.

I like to entertain.

You could say that, I am like a clown. All smiles but when you remove the makeup, you see wrinkles, worries, frowns, regrets, despair. Runaway brides are very pitiful but not as pitiful as runaway grooms.  Poor unsuspecting bride to be :(

 

Yes, I am a Hypocrite.

Deal with it. I had to deal with my fathers’ hypocritical state. So , you will deal with mine.

I' have had enough of writing today.

All emotional because of my 89% for SPM English Trial Exam. Sucks to be me. No worries, I WILL MEMORISE THE WHOLE BLOODY THESAURUS OR DIE TRYING.

No warning Signs, No alibis.

He came and went like a hurricane. I thought he cared, I thought he had soul , I thought I had his heart. No, I was horribly wrong. I was unprepared for what awaited me. LOL

Form 5 is extremely stressful!

Sri Aman is stressful.

Form 5 IN Sri Aman = Mother of mofo-ing mofos, stressful (:

I ain’t complaining. I’m always stressed. It’s my way of life. XD

There’s a drama coming up! Its called SHORTS! I’m acting in it! :D

I’m acting in The Landlady as the landlady (: Awesome no?

Oh, by the way, I’m quite different from last time I think (: I’ve done things, the old me would never have had done. I’ve eaten! I’ve prayed, khatam my quran, did my homework, studied and many more! :D I feel more loved , acknowledged and appreciated (:

I inline now. Inline is extreme rollerblading :D I skate at mont Kiara, Taman Aman, Putrajaya and Shah Alam. I’ve skate friends too! They are Fathhie ( fatty) , Fakhrul and Harris (:

Fathhie and I are the best of friends, the calmest of lovers and the coolest of acquaintances. He’s 20 this year and is studying the Canadian Pre – University program at Sunway University College :D He plans on taking psychology when he’s done with that.

<-- This is the apek XD

He’s part Japanese or at least that’s what we think XD He’s really never-ending XD I can’t stop talking when he’s around. OH HE HAS A BANTAL BUSUK NAMED SAM :D I gave Sam his name, actually. HAHA Would I call it love or a piece of emotion/affection? HAHAHAHAHA We all know that I can’t love a human (; So, i don’t know . But right now, I miss him. A LOT.

I fell apart , but got back up again yeah..

Smiles

Hey, I just wanna say I love you. Haha. Okay, that was cheesy.

So, I was thinking. (yes, I do think) Ever since I came to Sri Aman, I’ve been smiling a whole lot more. I’ve been happier. A lot happier. Other than that, I' have been embracing life more. I have been taking risks and dares. Doing things I never dreamt of doing. I will never regret my moving here. Sure, I missed a whole of opportunities but my happiness is what really matters right?

I am ready to heal.